I have been getting the urge to blog lately. Whenever I cook something for the first time, or try a new knitting pattern, or learn a new craft, or just want to blab about something. I am thinking of starting a new blog on wordpress. Mainly because I have used it before and it's pretty easy to use and customize and has little widgets and stuff. So...i will let you know when I get that up, it will probably be sometime this week or weekend.

So you convinced me to get this little contraption. For a week before it came to AT&T I was a maniac. I watched videos about it, I tried to look up pros and cons of getting it, and I even tried to look up what apps people recommended. And now I have it. I can see what all the hype is about. It's really nice. I like all the features and I, if course, like all the apps. It's fun. Definitely not a waste of money. And the other day when I was sick, I called the house to get my mom and the caller ID said my name. It's stupid, but I felt proud. Proud that I am actually paying for something on my own. I have my own phone bill and now it's my name on the caller ID. It was neat... And about dang time.

So, as you know, I had been sick for like 3 weeks. It made working so much more stressful. Joe took good care of me, though. I'm really glad I have him. I was hoping I could get through it without having to take off work, but that last week it was really bad. If you can't raise your voice to children they walk all over you. Haha. Little monsters. I'm still a tiny bit sick, but mainly just a runny nose. I was a little upset that I got asked to go into work the day after I left early and she told me to go to the hospital to get meds. Like... If I have to go to the doctor to get meds why do I not get the next day off?

Speaking if work... It's stressful. One of the girls told me I got the crap end of the stick because my kids could be good, but they have never had a good teacher. And the director told me that the girl I took over for may have never even done her job right. She said it's going to take maybe month to get them into a routine, which will really help with their behavior. I just feel really pressured to do everything right. And trying to get them to do things and stay on schedule is really tough at this point. I'm getting really discouraged about it. I tried to get them to sit down and read and sing with me, but I could only get 4 of them to come. The director said it was fine for now... I just feel like I'm not going to be able to get to the point I need to be at. I'm starting to really dislike it. I have some kids that really just don't listen. They are bad on purpose. If I had one, that would be fine... But there are about 5 or 6 that will just look at me like "fuck you". It just makes me want to quit. I really hope this week is better.

My parents and the boys were out of town since Thursday morning and they just got back... So I'll post this now.

Hello my one little follower. I'm finally getting around to updating this blog. Even though I have not much to update....I know it makes you happy, so here it goes.

I have been working out a little lately. I hop on the exercise bike for about 20 minutes and then do crunches until I can't do them anymore. I'm hoping if I stay consistent I will start to see some results. I think it's the lack of immediate results that always makes me lazy and unmotivated to keep going. But this time i'm eating better and everything...i'm determined to lose some weight. I pretty much have to. I went in for my annual exam recently and I apparently have some condition that might make it difficult for me to have kids. The doctor said if I lose some weight it could cure me of whatever it is that I have, or at least make it less difficult to have children. So that's just what I have to do.

I have been staying up late and sleeping in a lot recently. I wake up and don't want to exercise. I have been trying to set an alarm, but I tend to just turn them off and sleep some more. Last night I was going to set an alarm, but my stupid phone can't even hold a charge for a day now. Either that, or I didn't charge it right. I guess that's a possibility. But I would definitely like a new phone. At the end of this month we get to upgrade. My parents are thinking of switching providers. I really don't mind, just so long as I can find a cool phone.

I just realized I don't really use my phone that much anymore. I don't keep in touch with people like I should. I have my reasons for letting some people drift away, but other people...I just don't know. I guess i'm just so lazy that I don't even want to go out with people. I'm a shut in now. I don't know if there is more to it than that. I'm just lazy. I think I might also be letting my insecurities get the best of me. But, I miss friends. Thank god you will be coming to Texas for a month. I need to get out. I need some social interaction.

I have been craving an unforgettable from Druthers for a month now at least. We definitely need to make that one of our first stops. I want to buy like 6 and bring them home so I can eat one for every meal for the following 2 days. I doubt they would be good after 2 days though. I'm weird about sandwiches and sandwich meat. Joe likes to tease me about it. I'll eat sandwiches a couple days in a row, but after that...the turkey starts to not smell like turkey, so I won't eat it. So...2 days. After that, it's not fresh enough for me. I think it's because I once ate a turkey sandwich after the meat had been in the fridge for a while and I got sick. So now, I just don't eat it after a couple days.

Now I need to go eat lunch. Then after that i'm going to go apply for a couple jobs. I definitely hope I get one soon. I don't want to cut any time out from your visit here, but at the same time, I would like to have some money to spend with you.

Sorry for not updating as much as you, Kristen. I don't have much going on. Definitely not enough to post weekly.

Anyway, I've been sick since Thursday. Nothing too bad, no vomiting or anything. I have been asleep a lot lately, though. Today I am in the dry coughing phase of the sickness, which usually means the end is near. The worst thing about being sick is not being able to volunteer. I love volunteering. It makes me feel...worth something, I guess. Makes me feel like i'm not useless. We go every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday...so we have missed one day so far and I don't think we are going to go tomorrow since i'm not 100%. It's so fun, but so hard not to get attached to certain dogs. One of our regular dogs we walk got adopted last week and I felt sad and happy all at the same time. I wish, well..we both wish we had more room for another dog. We are just dog people...obviously.

My mom is going to New York tomorrow. With her precious drama kids. I feel bad, but I really kind of resent her sometimes. A part of me is happy she is going and gets to have fun...but the other part is pissed off that she never wanted to take a trip like that with us. It's BS. She loves those kids like her own and doesn't want to spend time with her real kids. But...what can I do? Just gotta wish her well and hope she has fun and brings me back a keychain or something.

The rest of us are going to my cousin's wedding this weekend. I'm super excited about it. It's a cousin from my mom's side of the family, so, one that I rarely get to see. But my aunt moved from michigan down to oklahoma after my uncle died and one of her kids went with her. I love that side of the family and I can't wait to see them again. And I can't wait for them to meet Joe. And...who doesn't love a wedding? And I think it will be a nice road trip, even though Veronica is going. My aunt and uncle are going too...we are caravaning. Fun!

I'm so sick of coughing. It's starting to hurt my throat. Hopefully I get better soon. I want to at least go walk dogs Thursday. Hopefully when we get back we will be able to foster a dog. The lady in charge of it seems kind of flaky. I e-mailed her about it saying I was going away this weekend. This was like 2 weeks ago...she said she would go in and see if any dogs needed short term care and she never got back to me. I'll take that as a no, but it still would have been nice of her to let me know. They are always saying how much they need foster parents, but that lady doesn't seem to motivated to get the dogs out. Maybe she just wants to keep them to herself. I would totally understand that.

I've been kinda of emotionally up and down lately. Worried about things I have no control over, hopeful about the future, happy about what I have and feeling stuck about where I am in life. Ultimately I am still thinking positive. There is no point in sitting around thinking bad things, it won't get me anywhere.

I start volunteering this weekend. I am excited about it. I'm hoping I get to work with a ton of different dogs. I also hope I qualify to foster dogs. I think it will be beneficial for everyone involved. My dog will become more dog friendly, I will get experience with different breeds, it will maybe teach the kids about volunteering, the dog we foster will be getting the love it needs, and it will just be fun and enjoyable for everyone.

I also signed up on some site where people can look for dog sitters/walkers or baby sitters in the area. Hopefully I can pick up some extra cash that way. It doesn't seem like a scammy site. Looks decent. I hope something comes from it. I signed up for pet care, but I think I may also sign up for baby sitting, tutoring and maybe even some house cleaning. Have to be careful though. I doubt anyone would set it up to murder me, but there is a warning on the website, so I will be take precautions.

Summer is coming. I wish we had a pool. Well...summer is actually pretty much here already, temperature wise. Every day I spend less and less time outside. A pool would make my life complete. Someday, I will make sure to have a pool, or live somewhere where I don't melt.

Tomorrow I will go to the animal defense league and see if they need any volunteers. After a lecture/pep talk/motivational kick in the ass from my dad, its what I need to do at this point. I e-mailed a dog trainer, whos card I picked up from a kennel I applied at, and she said she might need a helper this summer. I don't exactly know what that will entail...if that means money or not, but I know helping out a trainer is exactly what I need to do as well. So I will be giving her a call tomorrow.

I have also vowed to try and cook. I don't want to go off into the world and not know how to put a meal together for me and joe. I have gathered up some recipes for orange chicken, fried rice and crab rangoons and I will hopefully be trying them out tomorrow. I even got a recipe for some cute little cake pops. I need to take advantage of having my mom's helping hand while I can and while we both have time.

I did some cleaning today. I did the laundry, vaccuumed, threw out some flowers that have been dead for a few days, and replaced my glade plugin. It smells nice and the clutter is down. I'm in a good mood today. I am hopeful for the things to come. Ready for the next step.

I only hope I can keep this momentum going...

I wish I could just ask someone what it is that makes them not hire me. My looks? The time I turn in my application or go to pick one up? What excuse do the people I e-mail have? They don't like my e-mail address?

I may not have any professional experience working with animals, but it is what I am passionate about. I have said this a few times in e-mails and on applications, but it doesn't seem to matter. Everyone wants someone with experience. It's a cruel cycle. I can't get experience because no one will hire me. Therefore, I am stuck.

"Just go apply at McDonalds." I can't. I don't want to be stuck in a job that's not going to be helping me in the career path I have chosen. I'm already a late bloomer, I don't have time to waste somewhere that isn't going to get me the experience I need. Maybe I am being too picky or too stubborn, but I would like to think that that makes a little sense.

Maybe I should just take out a huge loan and go to school. It would be more productive than sitting here trying to find a job. Then, hopefully, with certification someone will want to hire me. I would really love to go now. Well, in the fall anyway. So what's stopping me? The loan I guess. How fast will I be able to pay it back? What happens if I still can't find a job after school?

The future scares me. At the same time, i'm excited about it. I can't wait for us to get our own place and just be. No parents, no rules. Just us. Our own stress or lack of. I'm just scared it's going to take forever to get to the place I want to be. I miss home so much when i'm gone, but being here drives me crazy. I take on the worry that other people should have and family drama gets to me more than it should. I want us to be on our own. I want us to start our life, but money issues are blocking us.

Will we ever get there?

Here is another post. Not much has been going on lately, yet so much has happened. My own personal little world has been the same, nothing new. But family drama always has something going on.

Veronica got a puppy a little while ago. I thought to myself, "oh right who is going to take care of that thing?" Not her. At first she kept it locked up in her room. It peed and pooped and made the hallway smelly. And get this, she never paid any attention to it. She would come home from school and spend her time either on the computer or on the couch watching TV. The dog was doomed, there was no one to love it. Then after about 4 or 5 days of a poopy, stinky room she decided it's time for the puppy to go live outside. Seeing as how my dog lives back there she came up with the brilliant plan to tie the puppy to the outside faucet on the side of the house. Take a moment to soak that in. A puppy...tied up.

This was a tipping point for me, this is where my blood started to boil. A puppy needs a hell of a lot of attention, not to mention it should be introduced properly to other dogs, not simply tied up in their area. So for the sake of that poor puppy I try and bring the subject up to my parents. "It's not right to have that puppy tied up back there like that." They come back with something even less desirable. They let the puppy run free in the backyard.

So a little background on my dog. She doesn't like other dogs. That's why she and chaos are seperated. A few weeks ago chaos got out and my dog attacked. It was quite a mess. So you see why bringing a new dog into the yard was a risky move. Surprisingly, it went alright. There was a lot of sniffing involved. Then the little puppy, in its need to play, started jumping up and biting my dogs face. I thought, oh no, here we go. But something amazing happened. My dog played. My dog played with another dog. I was really happy to see this. So we came back inside and dad went outside to cook.

This is where the story goes the way I thought it would. Dad is cooking and my dog attacks. Duh, an aggressive dog around food and another dog. I say someone should put the puppy away now. Dad say's its fine. This is where I roll my eyes. Not too long after that we hear the yelping again and that was that. Time for the puppy to be somewhere else. On top of the fighting the puppy stole my dog's bone and after I tried to return it to her, she sniffed it and didn't want it anymore. This made me angry. Taking things away from my dog? Pfft. Not allowed. So dad put more effort into keeping the puppy than Veronica and made a little fence to keep it on the side of the house. Now all the dogs had their little sections. Ridiculous.

I saw her feed it one day. She went out there, poured the food and left. Not even a pat on the head! Nothing. I mean, why get a puppy if you aren't even going to play with it? I felt so bad for it. So, I let it out into the yard. Whenever we sat back there we decided to let her come out and play with Ninja. Because, unlike my dad, if my dog starts looking like she is getting serious I will stop her. It worked out good. They were funny to see running around and jumping over each other, knocking over plants. But after a few days she could jump over her little fence. And when I wasn't around I didn't want her back there, for her own safety really. So we tried to put her in with chaos. Well she found a way out of there too.

This was the breaking point. She wouldn't stay where she needed to be and everyone in the house was trying to keep her in one spot except the one person who should have been responsible for it. So Veronica called her friend and they took the pup away. I was at a play, so I didn't even get to say goodbye. I can only hope her friend is nothing like her.

I was stumbling through a bunch of blogs last night via the navbar (which I chose not to include in my blog) and I found a few of them really interesting. There were a ton in other languages, some of which made me wish I knew that particular language. Also, a tad too many twilight blogs. Some were alright looking, some awfully put together and some really well done. It made me wonder. What would someone think about mine? Would they take the time to read it and see if I have anything to offer? Or would they just go back and click the "next blog" button again? Would they be upset that I took my navbar out? I clearly put too much thought into it.

It was nice to know and see that there are plenty of people just telling their own little stories. Whether they have readers or not, they blog about the events in their lives. Mundane or exciting, they blog. I guess this isn't really a new concept, people have done this for quite sometime. It was just good to see the cycle continue on.

Now the next set of questions in my mind. Do I comment on the random blogs I have now chosen to follow? Will they be weirded out that some stranger is reading their life? Too much thought went into this as well. It's the consequence of the internet. I suppose if they wanted to be private they would keep a diary. Besides, I would only have positive things to say anyway. Who would turn away kind words? Not I.

Props to the people who make such gorgeous and awesome templates. It took me a while to piece this one together and it's nothing but simple. I suppose simple will suffice, though. And besides, I rather like it.

I am debating on whether or not to add a shoutbox. They seem to be all the rage, but seeing as how my blog is not, I think it will only leave me disappointed. I set one up, just in case I feel like adding it someday.

It's late again. I didn't leave myself much time to blog.

That has been the question jumbling around in my mind for a while now. What do I have to say, who would want to read it, and do I care? What would make my blog different from any other? Do I want to stand out or would I rather blend in? I think I would rather be just another blogger, another person to spew their mundane life onto the screen for anyone to read. I'll give it a go. And if nothing else, at least it will give Kristen something to read.

Now...to find a good template.